Sebastien Coe
Joaquim Cruz
Wilson Kipketer
Oscar Pistorius
Peter Snell
A Grizzly Bear
Jeremy Wariner
Adubaker Kaki
The prize for the winner is a lifetime supply of wild Pacific salmon.
Who wins?
This is what it could be like...
The gun goes off and it truly is a mad dash off the line. The runners are going all-out to try to get away from the grizzy bear. Juantorena, having the unfortunate luck of sharing a lane with the bear, is instantly mauled. The bear sits at the start line tearing apart his meal.
As they break from their lanes, the competitors are in order based on top end speed. Wariner out front, then Coe, Cruz, Kipketer, and Kaki in some order, followed by Snell, then a gap to Pistorius.
They hit the 200 meter mark and the runners start to slow down. No one wants to lead as they come back around again to the bear. They hit the top of the home stretch and slow to a jog. The bear is spread across lanes 4 and 5, so the runners go to lanes 1 and 8.
As they approach, the bear rises from Juantorena's corpse and roars. The runners turn and run in the other direction. The bears chases. Once again, top end speed is the determining factor and Pistorius gets caught at the top of the home stretch.
By now the remaining runners are shitting themselves. They head back to the top of the back stretch and wait, about as far from the bear as possible. The bear finishes with Pistorius, then heads across the infield. He is DQ'd.
As he approaches, the runners go scrambling in all directions. Wariner, Kipketer, and Kaki are sprinting back toward the starting line. Wariner is feeling confident because he is the fastest of all the runners. He can sprint back and forth all day letting the other runners get picked off until the bear is full. However, unfortunately for him, with his pink-ish white skin and fish eye glasses, he looks the most like a salmon.
The bear eyes the prize that is Jeremy Wariner and gives chase. Wariner reaches the starting line and heads into the stands. He is DQ'd, and then a second later is killed by the grizzly. Kipketer and Kaki start to head in the positive direction on the track once again, though they are now 200 meters behind Snell, Cruz, and Coe.
As Snell, Cruz, and Coe hurdle the corpse of Pistorius at the top of the home stretch, they realize now is their best chance to pass the bear. He is occupied in the stands. They sprint by in lane 1. Their 1st lap split is 15:24.56.
Kipketer and Kaki coming cruising by 25.68 seconds later.
It is now a 3 man race. Cruz, Coe, and Snell come to the 700 meter mark and it's a sprint. Kaki and Kipketer are at the 500 meter mark. The trio in front thinks they can make it past the bear, who is still in the stands near the start/finish line. As they swing 3 wide in the very middle of the track, the adrenaline and fear push them faster they they would have thought possible. 50 meters to go, 40, 30.
Suddenly the grizzly emerges from the stands and rushes the threesome. Coe, Cruz, and Snell leap toward the finish line Christian Smith style. The bear leaps toward them and...clotheslines all 3 of them at once!
They go flying backward, unconscious. Not one has crossed the finish line. The grizzly goes to work on these three.
The only runners left now are Kipketer and Kaki. They've slowed to a walk and are standing at the 730 meter mark watching in disbelief as the bear eats his 4th, 5th, and 6th victims at the finish line.
They don't know what to do. Kaki is poor, so a lifetime supply of salmon would feed him and his family for a long time. Kipketer is simply a salmon fiend, so he wants it too. Neither will yield.
They decide to get in opposite lanes and sprint by the bear. God will decide who survives. With Kaki in lane 1 and Kipketer in lane 8, they begin their sprint.
The bear sees them coming and hunches forward in attack mode. Who will it be? The runners approach. The bear crouches and roars.
At that moment a flash appears in the middle of the track. It is Juantorena! Though the bear ate his legs, after it was no longer occupied with him he crawled up the home stretch and attached Pistorius's Cheetah Flex Foots to his bloody stubs! He goes bounding by Kaki and Kipketer. His incredibly long stride combined with the extra height and bounciness of the Cheetahs has him up to speeds never before reached by human beings. The bear sees him coming and leaps for him. Juantorena jumps clear OVER the bear! It's a miracle!! He's won! Juantorena has won!! He drops to his stumpy knees and praises God.
Kipketer crosses the finish line, followed by Kaki, then the bear. The bear mauls Juantorena. Stupid El Caballo, all that lost blood must have made him mentally foggy. He didn't win. He didn't even run 1 meter.
Final results:
Kipketer 35:37.65
Kaki 35:37.76
Coe DNF
Cruz DNF
Snell DNF
Juantorena DNF
Pistorius DNF
Wariner DQ
Grizzly Bear DQ
Kipketer just smiles. He's a freak for salmon.
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